The blur.

I got news last Sunday that my Grandma Lucky had suddenly passed on. And, when I say suddenly - I mean that in every sense of the word. There was no warning, no preparing myself, nothing. Just bam, and she was gone.

I have been trying to grasp that fact for days now and most days I feel okay, but there are moments every day where it will hit me all over again, that she isn't here anymore. Normally, it's at the most random times. When I am driving in the car, straightening my hair, or when I am grocery shopping. It's hard for me to convince myself and accept that she will never call me again to check on the kids or to see how my day is going. Never again will we chat about the sermon that she heard on Sunday at her church, never again will I  hear her laugh. It's a hard thing to get used to.

Her death is the first time that I have ever mourned like this. She practically raised me so it cuts so deep. I just don't understand.

I have said many times in the past week about how thankful I am to have traveled to Texas last month to visit her. She died exactly 1 month to the day.

We have been planning a memorial for her and with that comes many memories, heartache, sadness, joy, and a lot of grief wrapped up into it all. It's overwhelming.

I'm grateful for my friends and my family. It feels amazing to have so many people around to lean on during this time. In a sense, I feel like her passing has brought us all closer together, and to me at least a little good can come from something like this. I know that she is smiling down and proud of us all. 

I'll miss her, forever.