The news.

I was speechless.
I imagined this moment over and over in my head.
Imagined the joy I would feel.
Imagined the relief.
Imagined the excitement.
The nervousness.
But, as I stood there and stared at those 2 pink lines, I couldn't even speak. Hell, I could barely process it.

After trying on and off for the last 3 years and suffering two losses, I had finally started to accept the painful fact that another baby was probably just not in the cards for us.

I sat in my car a few months ago with Becca pouring my heart out to her. Expressing all of my anger and my emotions. Trying to process everything and not understanding when it got so damn hard to get pregnant.
I remember her saying to me: "Have you ever just told yourself that it might not happen"? That was hard to hear, but something that needed to be said. (May I add that I love this girl? She just gets me and is the one person who will shoot it to me straight. Always. I really don't know what I would do without her.) So, after my much needed (and overdue) meltdown. I started to look at it all in another way. I started to look at life a little different. I told myself that I needed to stop living in the past and instead focus on the now. As corny as it sounds I kinda just let it go. I was more than exhausted from trying to have control over everything that happened.

Now, when I say this - it's not like I turned off a switch and it all went away. Please. I wish it were that easy.
But, I did relax a little. I started thinking about it a little less and looking at the 2 amazing kids I did have and finally accepted that if I never had another at least I was lucky enough to have them in my life. I knew I was one lucky lady to be able to call them mine.

I made an appointment with my doctor for the 20th of this month and Lee and I had (almost) decided to stop trying all together. We felt like we gave it a good shot and it just wasn't in our future.

Then? I was late.

All of those feeling came bubbling back up - but this time in the back of my mind. I just told myself: It's going to be negative. It's always negative.
I have become a pro on peeing on a stick too let me tell you . This girl doesn't even need to read the directions anymore.
So, one morning I woke up and tested (like I have done 50 times before) and set it on the bathroom counter.
I went to do the dishes and came back to toss it in the trash.

I stood there for at least a minute and then had to sit down on the floor while I stared at it for another one.
I seriously couldn't believe what I was seeing.

From the get-go, this pregnancy has been different. I've had all the symptoms. The sickness, the tiredness, the moodiness. Everything has started out just as it should be. We were even lucky enough to get to see the little bean on ultrasound this week, and that little heartbeat? Oh, it was the sweetest sound. Ever.

I feel so blessed to have been given another chance at motherhood.
I feel with all of my heart that this time? Everything really is going to be okay.

Happiness.

Is watching my favorite boy and his cute little team kick some butt on the football field (while capturing it all with my camera.)

Awkward.

THIS SHOW has to be the coolest (and newest) one on MTV right now.
[Oh and Sarah? If you haven't already checked this one out, you MUST.]
It's pure awesome-ness.

The pest.

Our cat lives to drive me crazy, I swear.
Her newest thing is lying on my feet at night while I sleep (or should I say while I try to sleep.)
We have a king-size bed so there is plenty of room for her to lay somewhere else.
I will move her at least 3 times a night, but minutes later - she's back.
Lee likes to think it's cute. Me? Well, I'd like to drop-kick her.

She also likes to wake me up at 6 EVERY morning by meowing as annoyingly as possible right in my face.
Oh, and she's smart... really smart for a furry feline.
If I try to ignore her, she then jumps on the piano and walks slowly back and forth on the keys until I jump out of my bed in a rage, and finally feed her.

... and here I thought the dog was the biggest pain in my ass.

Ashamed.

I can't believe myself. I havent blogged in almost 2 weeks.
Now, it's not that I haven't had things to say. When do I not? It's just that I've been too busy [slash] lazy to actually do it. I know, I know... shame on me.

School started last week and I was a little flustered to see that the teachers I wanted the kids to get weren't the actual ones they ended up with. I have this issue with having no control over certain things. Yeah, I don't really like it - but Kaylee and Layton both like who they have (so far) and are both excited about the new year. I plan on embracing every minute for the simple fact that my baby girl will be heading to middle school next year and I am so not ready for that event.

Football season for Layton is also in full swing. Practices started over a month ago but his first official game was last Saturday against Corvallis. Yep, they killed us.
I am more than excited for his upcoming games. There is nothing cuter than a bunch of little boys in miniature football gear out on the field running each other over. It's pretty adorable. I am also really happy with our new team and the families. We have some pretty awesome ones.

Kaylee and I attended our first concert together [Taylor Swift] with Grandma Karen, Steph and the girls last week. It was a great experience. I loved watching her reaction and excitement while she took it all in. It was a night I won't forget. (Although I do worry about her having super high expectations from now on when it comes to going to concerts with me - this show was like no other.) I can just see her now, bored out of her mind in the years to come. I tried to tell her that not all concerts come with fireworks, dancers, huge stages, costume changes, acrobats, and things flying out over the audience. Her response was: "Really? Oh, well why not?"

I made myself proud after pulling off my largest photo shoot to date. I delivered the finished product to my clients and have very happy customers. It was a huge achievement in my book since it was my biggest challenge so far. (I have this little problem with doughting my abilities. I wish I could beileve in my talent as much as my husband does.) Oh, well... maybe that just comes with time.

The 10 year anniversary of 9/11 came and went and brought up many emotions for me. It took me back to the actual day and all the feelings that I was feeling that morning. We spent some of the day talking about it with the kids, but I avoided the T.V. the entire day because it's just too depressing for me to watch all over. It's like I re-live it everytime I see a documentry and I don't like those feelings. I will never forget that day, the lives that were lost, or the lives we continue to lose. It will forever be one of the saddest days of my life.

I've been in the mood to clean, clean, clean in the last few weeks. With the kids back in school, I feel like I need to organize my house. I keep saying I will do an 'area a day' but haven't actually done anything yet. Due to being overly tired and out of energy as of lately, I am thinking it may have to wait a little longer. Laying on my couch during the day watching TLC is wayyyy more fun.

We ended the hot week with a little BBQ down at the pool last weekend. We had a few friends and some family join us to end off the summer right and it was nice. I even noticed today on the way home from the store that the leaves are starting to slowly change color on some of the trees. It got me kinda excited for Fall. I'm ready for cooler weather, cute sweaters, Halloween, and taking pictures... LOTS of pretty pictures of the new season.

Conversations.

I have been noticing more lately at just how much my little man is growing up.
Makes me sad, happy, and proud all at the same time.

I love the fact that he's a big 'mama's boy' and I secretly hope that he always will be.
He wants to hang out with me all the time. Whether it be cuddling and watching T.V., going grocery shopping with me when everyone else bails, wanting to sit by me at the dinner table or just hugging me randomly throughout the day - he naturally gravitates towards me and I will miss it when he's grown.

We spent over 30 minutes the other day talking about football, going back to school, and his favorite video games. I love watching his expressions as he explains things and his cute little chuckle when he thinks he's hilarious.

He has been the non-stop talker around here all of a sudden and I have wondered a few times - when did he trade places with Kaylee?

He's constantly talking about the latest You-tube video, or reciting every word to every song on his MP3 player.

The other night he even helped me put groceries away, the whole time telling me all about his latest bike tricks, and the fact that he really hopes that santa brings him a skateboard and Ipod touch for Christmas this year. [What? The kid can dream.]

I just sit back and take it all in, thinking the entire time at how amazed I am by him and the little gentleman that he is turning out to be.