Here.

I'm at an interesting stage in my life right now.
I knew that having kids so far apart would be different, but I guess I didn't realize how different and it's almost like I felt it change overnight.

I am struggling with the fact that Kaylee is growing up. Yeah, I joke about it and make light of it but seriously - I am struggling here. I'm watching her in her daily life and can't believe how much she resembles a young adult. The clothes, the make-up, the constant 'wanting to hang' with her friends. The attitude, the fact that I get the feeling that she truly thinks that I am out to ruin her life and control everything she does. All of it. Not. Ready. My mom always said "you are going to have one just like you someday, then you will understand where I am coming from." Boy, was she right or what?

And then, on top of pre-teen hormones - I have the baby stage. The diapers, the nursing, the crying, the cooing, the giggles, the looks that come from Ava like she is almost saying to me 'you are my most favorite person in the whole world, lady.' It's crazy having one who needs me for everything, and another one that is pretty sure she doesn't anymore. These are just two totally opposite stages in life that I am dealing with at the same time and it's a super overwhelming feeling.

I know that Kay is just going through what all girls around her age go through. I know it's normal. I know deep down that she doesn't hate me. I know this. It just sucks people. Sucks. I am thankful that we still have our fun times, and our mother/daughter conversations. She still comes to me for advice and has no problem asking me any question (no matter how embarrassing it might be.) I am thankful that our arguments are only about 25% of the time. I am thankful that she is a good girl who respects me. I am so thankful that she is my daughter. I just wish that she would slow down a bit. She has all the time in the world to grow up. Why does she have to start now?

The mama in me - just isn't ready.