Curve ball.

I have been battling some health issues since before summer and I am now starting to share it with extended friends and family.

It's  has been a long and drawn out process but I will spare all the boring details.

I have been diagnosed with some sort of auto immune disorder. I have had extensive labs done and at first the results were really confusing. They are leaning towards something called CREST syndrome.  (I advise you not to Google. I did and now - I'm scared out of my mind.)

I have been put on a medication that normally takes 6 months to kick in, as well as a steroid to manage my pain. may I just say that  HATE having to take daily medications to mask my symptoms.  I feel so frustrated and helpless.

I go back in to my specialist in February for a follow up. He will run more labs to see if we can get more solid answers as to what I actually have.

Everyday I wake up in pain, and it stays with me. Sometimes it's bad, sometimes it's worse. Sometimes my spirits are up, sometimes my mood is super negative.  It's such a damn roller coaster.

I know that people are concerned but I get so tired of always having to say that I feel horrible when they ask. I really have started feeling like a loser. Someone who constantly complains. I really hate feeling that way. Sometimes I really try to down play my symptoms to others. I really don't want to become that person - the one that gets on everyones nerves. Lately? I feel like I do.